Is Being a Stay-at-Home Dad a Sin? (Part 2)

You guys did so good with your recommendations last week (Bill, I'm using the "Unbreakable" clip you suggested -- good stuff), I have to open it up again.

I need recommendations of clips from a movie (or a TV show available on DVD) that illustrates the differences between men and women. Can be humorous or dramatic or both.

In the past we've used an argument scene from "The Break Up" (the post-party scene near the beginning), which was both funny and heavy. But something entirely light would be fine too.

Ideas?

Brant Hansen says Pixar's Wall-E is about gospel sexuality.

I think he has a point.

Btw, whatever it's about, Wall-E is a great film. You should see it.

Here's the incomparable Al Green to help you celebrate the occasion.



I posted another Green video here if, like me, you just can't get enough.

As voted on by a select panel of my one year old.
Read the rest of this entry . . .

Popular Mechanics has a list of the 25 Skills Every Man Should Know: Your Ultimate DIY Guide. It's updated to include some computer/web related skills that manly men need in today's world. According to the folks at PM, you ought to be able to:

1. Patch a radiator hose (Check)
2. Protect your computer (Check)
3. Rescue a boater who has capsized (I guess. I've never rescued someone who's capsized, but I've spent some time on the boat and I know better than to jump in after a drowning guy.)
4. Frame a wall (Check)
5. Retouch digital photos (Not interested. My wife does all the photo stuff.)
6. Back up a trailer (Check, although interestingly, my wife is better at this than I am.)
7. Build a campfire (Check. But who actually does it the old-fashioned way?)
8. Fix a dead outlet (Check)
9. Navigate with a map and compass (Check)
10. Use a torque wrench (Check)
11. Sharpen a knife (Check)
12. Perform CPR (Never been trained in it, so unless what you see from watching TV counts, then no.)
13. Fillet a fish (Check. But it's just not worth it.)
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid (Check. But knowing how to do it and actually being able to execute in the moment are two different things.)
15. Get a car unstuck (Unstuck from what? I'll say check.)
16. Back up data (Check. The irony is that I lost the first incarnation of this post about 3 sentences in when my browser froze.)
17. Paint a room (Check)
18. Mix concrete (Check)
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle (Oh yeah, baby.)
20. Change oil and filter (Check)
21. Hook up an HDTV (Considering I don't own one, I'll have to say no. But how hard could it be?)
22. Bleed brakes (Nope)
23. Paddle a canoe (Check. But does this really qualify as some kind of special skill? Who doesn't know how to paddle a canoe?)
24. Fix a bike flat (Check)
25. Extend your wireless network (Would this be anything more than buying and installing the relevant hardware, of which there are several types? I've never done it, but I'm not sure how it counts as some critical skill. Setting up a wireless network would make more sense here.)

The above link takes you to the list, and this link takes you to a skill-by-skill descriptive breakdown of the list so you can make up for your shortcomings. How do you measure up?

This list seems deficient in a lot of ways. Of course it's a PM list, but a little more balance to what makes up a skilled man would be nice. I'd be happy to hear suggestions in the comments.

I just saw this classified ad:

WANTS TO BUY
An AK-47 for wife, in 7.62x39. Must be in excellent working order with no modifications to trigger and in descent appearance. No SKS models. Surprise for wife, please do not discuss it with her.

That's Texas.

The link to this caught my eye this morning. Unreal.

Dear Margot,
I’ve been seeing two women at my church. One I know from Bible study, the other from Sunday Eucharist. They don’t know each other and attend different services. I like them both, but am not sure I’m ready to commit to either one. My choir buddy says I should tell them about each other. That little devil on my shoulder says I don’t need to. Who’s right?
– Double Dipping Darrin in Dallas

Read the rest.

This might sound hauntingly familiar. Peter Leithart:

American Christians have unfortunately not always recognized the double-sidedness of the Christian life. During the nineteenth century, in response to the perceived "woman peril," the threat that women were taking over the church, Americans marketed Christianity as a manly religion. A true Christian is a strong Christian, a muscular Christian.

Views of Jesus adjusted to fit this vision. Artists of the past, complained advertising executive and writer Bruce Barton, seemed to think they could "make our Christ with a woman's face, and add a beard." In his bestselling book, The Man Nobody Knows: A Discovery of the Real Jesus, Barton presented a Jesus who was no bearded lady. Barton's Jesus was a "young man glowing with physical strength and the joy of living," with muscles like "knots of iron," broad shoulders, and well-defined pecs. He was a "man's man," and he oozed manliness in a way that also made him a "woman's man" (from Stephen Prothero, American Jesus).

I went over to classmates.com to see if I could hunt down an old buddy from high school. We lost touch in the years after I moved out of state.

The website told me I could view his Q&A, a short list of answers to the basic catch-up questions for people you haven't seen in a while, if I did my own Q&A. It turns out I had already done one, but it was several years ago, and it needed updating-- for example, on how many kids I've got. So I went to look over the list of my previous answers.

Among the questions was this:

Q: Your gender:
A: Male

With this option below it:

Edit now

What's the correct phrase-- to say that you "threw a rod" or "blew a rod?"

A male cop in San Antonio was convicted of raping a male transexual. That's not the weird story here. The victim prefers to be addressed as "she," even though he's not. And the newspaper decided that's what they'd call him:

The San Antonio Express-News normally does not print the names of sexual assault victims. Bernal, however, has consented to her name being used. Bernal, who prefers to be addressed as a woman although prosecutors use male pronouns to refer to her, declined to comment Tuesday and is expected to testify today.

Despite that report to the contrary, even the prosecution got into the act:

“She holds a lifestyle and holds values that are different from everyone else's,” said Jim Felte, a trial prosecutor with the U.S. Justice Department's Office of Civil Rights. “But the Constitution protects everyone. It protects EVERYONE.”

GIRLS ONLY

NO BOYS
ONLY DADA

I hope it stays posted until she's 30.

A question for the men out there. Have you ever used your wife's deodorant? I mean in a pinch, not as a habit (if it's a habitual thing, I'd rather not know about it). You know-- you're running late in the morning, your deodorant is down to the plastic, and scraping that against your underarm isn't exactly going to fight off sweat and odor. It's 95 degrees outside, and it's only 7:30am. You've got a big day at work ahead, and there's your wife's "Secret."

Do you use it?

Here's your selection of possible answers.

(a) No way. I'm a man's man, and I would never use that stuff.
(b) No way. "Avon for Her" is my brand.
(c) Deodorant? What's that?
(d) I use whatever's there, whether it be my deodorant, my wife's, or a caustic combination of chemical cleaning agents.
(e) Sure. Anything's better than how I smell without it.
(f) Blo is a Chick. I would never use his deodorant.
(g) Sure. I'm fairly confident that no female deodorant is powerful enough to make me actually smell like a female.
(h) My wife's deodorant? Back off, man. My wife' don't need no stinkin' deodorant.

Reason I ask is we're in a transition of moving from one place to another, and our toiletries last weekend were in one place, and we were in another. This is because, as of Saturday night, I was halfway through with replacing the water heater and repairing some minor water damage in the laundry room. Consequently, the water was 100% cut off, and we were staying elsewhere.

Sunday morning, while I was getting ready for church, I noticed we (as in my wife. I am never responsible for transporting toiletries) had only brought her deodorant. Without a thought, I picked it up. Then I wondered what the consensus of guys out there would be on something like that. Too weird? Too much information? No big deal? Not that your answers will change what I do in the future. Just a little curious.

The female form of "pirate" is, apparently, "pirette." Just in case you were wondering.

I came across this passage in Lewis's That Hideous Strength the other day. I found it quite funny.

"What is 'women's day' in the kitchen?" asked Jane of Mother Dimble.

"There are no servants here," said Mother Dimble, "and we all do the work. The women do it one day and the men the next. What? No, it's a very sensible arrangement. The Director's idea is that men and women can't do housework together without quarreling. There's something in it. Of course, it doesn't do to look at the cups too closely on the men's day, but on the whole we get along pretty well."

"But why should they quarrel?" asked Jane.

"Different methods, my dear. Men can't help in a job, you know. They can be induced to do it: not to help while you're doing it. At least, it makes them grumpy."

"The cardinal difficulty," said MacPhee, "in collaboration between the sexes is that women speak a language without nouns. If two men are doing a bit of work, one will say to the other, 'Put this bowl inside the bigger bowl which you'll find on the top shelf of the green cupboard.' The female for this is, 'Put that in the other one there.' And then if you ask them, 'in where?' they say, 'in there, of course.' There is consequently a phatic hiatus." He pronounced this so as to rhyme with "get at us."

In the comments thread of this post at Jen Speaks, Jen and her sister are going through the list of guys they've kissed before. It's quite amusing actually.
It got me thinking about my own kiss history (kisstory?). I have kissed a total of six girls (romantically speaking, anyway -- moms and other folks I'm not married to don't count). And I remember my first kiss. Actually I remember my first kisses pretty well:

In the second grade, I "married" Elizabeth Roberts on the playground at recess. When my friend Christopher, who was presiding as minister, announced, "You may kiss the bride," Elizabeth promptly took charge by kissing a leaf and then touching it to my cheek. (Actually kissing in the second grade? Yuck. Don't you know about cooties?)

I had a girlfriend in the fifth grade. I used to "smooch" her a lot, but I guess the hormones hadn't quite kicked in yet, because in light of the actual kissing I'd done since then, it seems pretty tame in retrospect.
My first "real" kiss came in the ninth grade, and all I remember is feeling faint. Pretty wild stuff. (Or maybe I was just dehydrated.)

Fun fact: I was my wife's first kiss. I think that's pretty awesome.

When was your first kiss? (You don't have to say who it was, if such a thing would be embarrassing or a violation of anyone's privacy.)
And if you've never been kissed, please share that too, so we can provide sympathy or derision as appropriate. I can think of one Thinkling right now who's never been kissed . . . Poor thing.

So I'm just staying up, perusing the sites on the Thinklings blogroll, mainly just keeping an eye out for the troll.
But I came across an interesting post at Bene Diction's site about terminology used when referring to males and females. Apparently Bene took another blogger to task for referring to women (in China) as "girls," while referring to men as, well, "men." I don't think Bene was the only one to point out this discrepancy. Honestly, I didn't click through to check out the other blogger's post and comment thread.

The idea, though, is that we ought to be careful with our words and how we use them. Perhaps that blogger didn't mean to be sexist -- and I'm assuming he didn't -- but the effect can still be one of offense.
So imagine my surprise when I came across this comment from Bene within the thread at her own post:

Regional use of language in any culture has it's own flavour, I agree with that.
This discussion was international and I think I perceive it differently than you do.
Males and females took the opportunity to say what useage of the terms meant in their lives . . . Language is an evolving, living thing.
I saw this comment thread and supsequent spin off posts as an opportunity to listen, to understand and learn carefulness of speech outside of my small circle. It was an opportunity to hear . . .
I demand 'respect' from my commenters.
Yes, demand. I ask that they remain aware they are speaking to others from all over the world . . .

The Thinklings had two guys-chick posts up.
The 'chicks' weren't offended and the 'guys' weren't offended because it was used within their own tribe and was inclusively playful.

Oops. The posts of ours Bene is referring to are these two composed by yours truly. One post was a list of female-blogger-only links, and the other was a list of male-blogger-only links.

In the ladies' blog, I referred to women as "femininas," "chicas," and "chicks" (although I also used the words "lady" and "female" and "women").
First of all, I didn't know we had our own "tribe." (I vote we make Bill the Witch Doctor.)
Secondly, although I'm glad Bene recognized the tongue-in-cheek nature of the post, she (he?) made me wonder if any of the women I linked to (or any women who just happened to be reading) were offended by any of the words I used. I readily admit I was operating in full Thinklings anti-metrosexual spirit. If I offended anyone, I truly apologize.

I gots nuthin' but love for the ladies.

Fred Peatross of FutureMargins muses on why Beth Moore studies are so popular.
I link to it not just because one of the Thinklings' families attends Moore's church (Deacon Blo of First Baptist, Houston), but because I think Fred picks up on something very true:

One thing is for sure, her disciples put us guys to sham. How many men do you know would rush for sign-ups, sit shoulder to shoulder in an overcrowed living room, discuss what they've learned outside the classroom, consistently study, and do nightly homework?

It's not that Moore's studies are all that wonderful (not that they aren't), but that she and other female teachers have tapped into the growing base of female disciples.

Let's face it, fellas: chicks out-follow us.

Now, if you happen to be a guy reading this, I'm not necessarily saying that the average Christian woman is a better Christian than you. Married men, I'm not saying that you're not leading or that your wife is a better follower of Jesus than you. I want to make that clear before someone jumps down my throat.
But generally speaking, the women of the Church have been more enthusiastic followers of Jesus than the men for a long, long time. I'm not even talking about the dutiful mom who takes her kids to church every Sunday while her unsaved husband sleeps in and catches the early ball game. I'm talking about the Christian husband who attends church faithfully (and probably Sunday School), who wants to be a better follower of Jesus Christ. That guy is still probably lagging behind his wife.

Why? Why do chicks often outclass us this way? Are we too proud to admit we need a Bible study class? Too lazy to read our Bibles every day? Too uninterested to use Bible study guides or workbooks like we're studying for graduation?
Check the rosters for your church's "extra" Bible study classes or small groups. I can't say for sure, but I bet there are more women signed up than men. Why do church women's groups regularly outdraw the Men's Ministry?

Are evangelical men Deadbeat Disciples?
Seriously, I'm asking.

And women out there everywhere: bless you and thank you. We apologize for letting you lead for so long.

metrosexual -- n. (MEH.troh.seck.shoo.ul) a straight man, typically from urban areas, who is in touch with his "feminine side."

Not yet familiar with the new buzzword, "metrosexual"? Some social observers and product marketers believe it's just a matter of time until "metrosexual" becomes part of your vocabulary -- and perhaps a description of your own lifestyle as well.

So what makes a metrosexual man? He's been defined as a straight, sensitive, well-educated, urban dweller who is in touch with his feminine side. He may have a standing appointment for a weekly manicure, and he probably has his hair cared for by a stylist rather than a barber. He loves to shop, he may wear jewelry, and his bathroom counter is most likely filled with male-targeted grooming products, including moisturizers (and perhaps even a little makeup). He may work on his physique at a fitness club (not a gym) and his appearance probably gets him lots of attention . . .

According to the quiz determining one's level of metrosexuality, here are my results:

YOUR SCORE
18.0% 9.0 points out of 50

What does this mean? *
9 points is in the 0 through 9 points range
Stud! You're a manly man! May I suggest some more contact sports like football? You can watch big, strong athletes sweat away as they tap each other's ass.

Cool. 9 out of 50. (And if it hadn't been for the boxer-briefs question, I'd have scored lower methinks.) This gives me great comfort. Being a stay-at-home dad and a writer, I suspect my masculine credentials are often considered suspect.
What's your level of metrosexuality? Take The Metrosexual Quiz. (My guess is that all the Thinklings will score pretty low.)

Via Le Sabot Post-Moderne.