The Reverend Jebediah Hoyt, Pastor of First Independent Old-Time Gospel Church and self-described Fundamentalist, responds to Jared's posting of John Stott's views on evangelicals and fundamentalists . . .

First of all, thank you to Mr. Jared Wilson for allowing me this opportunity to respond and present a dissenting opinion.

Secondly, I feel it necessary to point out that I have discovered that Mr. John Stott is an Anglican, which is as close as a Protestant can get to idolatry without out-and-out sleeping with the Whore of Babylon.

Third, and to cut to the chase, here are my responses to these terrible mischaracterizations and scandalous libeling of fundamentalists -- "fundies" as Mr. Wilson calls us . . .

1. Human thought. Wilson writes, "Fundamentalists in general distrust scholarship and can be very anti-intellectual. Evangelicals on the other hand, believe all truth is God's truth, that our minds are God-given, and that we insult God when we fail to think and use logic (or science when it is appropriate)."
Of course we do not trust the academic institutions. They are mostly godless liberals, even allowing so-called "Christian rock" music to infiltrate the seminary dormitories. And to get to the main point: We don't need to think: the Bible does our thinking for us. I think.

2. The nature of the Bible. Wilson writes, "Fundamentalists adhere to a literalism so broad, even they are doomed to violate it."
This false claim made me so mad, I literally blew my top.

3. Biblical inspiration. Wilson writes, "Fundamentalists belief in this regard tend to view the inspiration of Scripture as having occurred in a somewhat mechanical process (Stott points out, much like Muslims see Muhammad taking dictation from Gabriel) in which the human authors were fairly passive."
What a slur! Imagine comparing us to Muslims. Fundamentalists are nothing like Muslims. Muslims tend to be extreme fanatics known for radical legalism and hatred of an immoral world. Fundies, on the other hand . . . um, never mind.

4. Biblical interpretation. Stott writes, "Fundamentalists seem to suppose that they can apply the text directly to themselves as if it had been written primarily for them. They then ignore the cultural chasm which yawns between the biblical world and the contemporary world."
I would respond to this point, but I'm not sure I understand it.

5. The ecumenical movement.
Well, of course, we reject the ecumenical movement! It is perpetrated through the insidious seduction of so-called evangelicals by demonic papists, and it is well known that it is supported by modern Bible translations (which every real Christian knows are the results of a New Age and Masonic conspiracy).

6. The church. Wilson writes, "Fundamentalists tend to hold to separatism and to community withdrawal. They can be isolationist, believing "being not of the world" involves to whatever extent possible "not being in it." They promote schisms between themselves and those who are not as dogmatic about non-essentials in doctrinal matters."
We gladly refuse to distinguish essentials from non-essentials. So, for instance, pretribulational rapturism is just as important as loving one's neighbor (if not more so). In addition, we are not sure what "not being of the world" really means, so we just play it safe and have decided not to be in it as much as possible. Not going to PG-13 and R-rated movies and not listening to secular music makes us feel better and more holy. We're pretty sure that's the sort of thing Paul had in mind when he said come out from their midst and be separate. Paul also talks about meat sacrificed to idols and the weaker brothers, and we've decided the best thing to do is just treat every Christian as a weaker brother, including ourselves. If we look at stuff the world does, we might catch what they have!
In addition, have you seen the sad state of our immoral public schools? They lack Christian influence! The only solution is to take all our Christian kids out of them at once.

7. The world. Wilson writes, "Evangelicals, also view changing the culture from within as more valid, more Scriptural, and more effective than shouting at it from the outside."
This is just illogical. I mean, even the religious leaders of Jesus' day knew changing the world from the outside was the way to go! We believe in being a city set on a hill -- so long as sinners stay far away and just admire the light from a distance. Also, sinners must clean themselves up a bit before coming to God. Imagine God wanting to take in dirty sinners: what a joke!
We think salt is saltiest when it stays in the saltshaker with the other salt. Also, flashlights work best when shone in brightly-lit rooms.

8. Race.
Some of my best friends are black people.

9. Christian mission. Wilson writes, "Fundamentalists seem to equate mission/evangelism with merely preaching the gospel. Evangelicals, in an effort to live out the merging of faith and works, affirm social responsibility."
Well of course we believe hearts come before stomachs. Take a look at Jesus' very first miracle. Wait . . . never mind again.

10. Christian hope. Wilson writes, "Fundamentalists tend to dogmatize eschatology, particularly their understanding of it, which often refers solely to the future."
This is another falsehood. Eschatology is just not that important to us. Millions and millions of Left Behind readers would agree with me. And we all know eschatology is a non-essential. But how this fits with my earlier take that everything is essential, I don't know.
Hmmm. I'll have to think about this in heaven.
Meanwhile, I urge everyone to avoid grocery stores that use UPC barcodes.

While I have the space and y'all got me preachin', here's one more truth straight from the mouth of God Almighty Himself: There is no place in the church service for worldly innovation. More and more churches are using drums and guitars and not singing hymns and sounding more and more like rock-and-roll and showing videos and doing so-called "skits." If an organ was good enough for the first apostles, it should be good enough for us!
That is all.