The events of the following semi-live-blog take place in semi-real-time . . .



********* Spoilers below the fold **********

Previously on 24 . . .

President Taylor frets about Hassan's heavy-handed tactics. Fredo asks when he can take possesion of the nuclear rods. Sark takes his brother to a doctor, Dana's amazingly irritating subplot with loser-boyfriend continues. Renee stares death in the face and doesn't blink.

"She's in. They bought her cover"

Jack screeches to a stop outside one of the million or so abandoned wharfs that populate every city he's in. He's got Vladimir and Renee in his little telescope monocle thing.

Keefer wants to close down Renee's undercover. Hasting won't have it, so Jack pulls the torture card - he thinks he can get the info from Vlad using some . . . enhanced interrogation. Took five episodes this time to get Jack to start talking this way. Hasting reminds him that CTU doesn't do that anymore.

Jack offers to take her place undercover, and Hastings agrees, even though Jack doesn't have anything approaching a real plan as to how to do that. Vlad and Renee pull out in Vlad's car.

Back to CTU: Dana is completely preoccupied with AnnoyingSubplot. She's supposed to be solving the nuclear rod problem, but ripping off CTU intel for LoserBoyfriend is more important at the moment. Good to know our country's in the best of hands. Dana picks up her phone and calls Kevin; she's found a lead to an abandoned warehouse full of drug money or something.

We interrupt this scintillating subplot for Arlo's weekly sexual-harassesment session with Dana. This one was particularly gross.

Back to Vlad and Renee: He dismisses his goon because he wants to "talk to her alone". Uh huh.

Vlad asks her about the buyer for the uranium (Jack) - his name is Ernst Meer or something. Vlad plays dumb about the uranium, and offers her a job, but he's obviously warming to her idea - "if you want to make a counter-bid you better act fast". He asks if they can trust Ernst/Jack. She says yes. "I've been with him for two years". Vlad starts to go into a jealous snit, but she assures him that it's just professional.

They talk some more but I missed the details because I was typing (Man! Liveblogging!). Plus Vlad talks really low. He tells her they'll meet in a nearby parking garage and departs, giving her a long look on the way out. As soon as he leaves, she starts snooping around. She talks to Jack on her comm; he's still having his cover story prepped but that will take "30 minutes tops". Renee is troubled - Vlad is creepy, after all.

I don't remember her negotiating any kind of salary with Hastings for this work. I hope he's paying her well.

***** Commercial *****
9:15, and we're back. First glimpse of Chloe this week. Yay.

Now we're in the radiation doctor's office (seriously, is there such a thing?). Sark's irradiated younger brother has been given a dose of morphine. The doctor, understandably, wants to know how he got dosed with weapons-grade uranium. Sark just tells him to make sure his brother is cured. EvilDad calls, and Sark makes up a story about being stuck in traffic. Maybe EvilDad will buy it.

A knock at the door. The doctor says it's just his brother's test results. I don't know about you, but I've never seen test results come back in ten minutes. And this doctor's office sure is open late. If I were his nurse, I'd log a complaint. But she seems pretty cheerful about everything.

Sark's irradiated brother has been exposed to over 400 RADS. I don't know if the lab technician saw that, but if he/she did, you'd think that would raise some flags. Sark's brother needs a bone-marrow transplant. The doctor can't guarantee he'll recover. Sark threatens the doc yet again.

Now we're with Cole and Jack. Jack is loading up. There are tac teams standing by and Cole wants to do it his way, but Jack tells him how it's going to go down. Jack is in command. He is not sure how he's going to maintain cover, which I think would be a really important thing to figure out right now.

Now we're back with Vlad and Renee. They have 20 minutes before the meeting, which doesn't seem like a lot of time to me, but Vlad pours the drinks and is starting to get a little bit cozy with Renee. Vlad tells her he's never forgiven himself for what he did to her. "It's in the past, forget it," says Renee. He says he had too much to drink that night. She's being pretty hard on him, what with the cold shoulder she's giving him and all, so he calls her the b-word and they face off for a second. Now he's upping the creep-meter and is starting to massage her shoulders. He is coming on pretty strong, and tells her she can take a shower, so she goes into the bathroom and locks the door.

Jack: "Agent Ortiz, we need to move now!" Jack is ALARMED by what he's hearing. Vlad is moving in on his girl!

Remember how Jack shot Renee and buried her alive in the last season? I dunno, does he really have a chance with her?

Vlad tells his goon that he has no intention of pursuing the deal, and that the goon should just kill Jack (hah, ok, ready for that?) after the money's transferred. Renee will then "work for us". R-i-i-i-i-g-h-t.

***** Commercial *****
9:27. President Taylor, Hassan, Hassan's Kamistan goons, and SillyDana in the splitscreens.

Taylor's allies are pulling out of the peace deal, due to Hassan's misbehavin'. She knows that the peace deal is in jeopardy.

Taylor decides to personally appeal to the delegates to "stay the course". You go, Madame President, but I would like to get back to Jack.

Meanwhile, Hassan is being given files of his enemies by his security chief. I missed the details, but there's some connection between one of the people in one of these files and something else or other. The person in question is a trusted member of Hassan's inner circle, and Hassan's chief of security protests. But it's obvious that Fredo's betrayal has really shaken Hassan up. It's like he's a different person and we hardly know him anymore.

Dana works on making a keycard for Kevin, right there in the middle of CTU in the middle of a nuclear crisis. The keycard will enable Kevin to perform the heist. Arlo complains to her that she's not getting her work done. He's getting suspicious, and asks Chloe about why Dana is acting funny. Chloe tells him that it's probably because he's a pervert. Hah!

Dana (who told Arlo that she just had to go to the bathroom) meets Kevin by his molesta-van and gives him the keycard and a comm unit. And she gets him to promise (which he does, unconvincingly as ever) that he will never call her again if she helps him. His low-life buddy (I wonder what that guy's story is?) watches, creepily, from the rear-view mirror.

As does Arlo, on a security camera. BUSTED! I wonder if he'll do the right thing, or just use this as leverage to get a date with Dana, thus starting another annoying subplot. Please, no.

Back to Renee, getting out of the shower. The door is no longer . . . unlocked and Vlad is standing there. He is really putting on the charm. Her lips say no, no, but in her eyes he sees yes, yes. He ups the charm as he threatens her and smashes his bourbon tumbler. He threatens her that the deal's off if she doesn't come to him. She relents, and Vlad embraces her (she looks like she'd like to die). She tells him she needs a drink. Renee is not enjoying this.

Vlad leaves and Jack calls Renee to tell her he will extract her. She says no, she must go through with this.

"I'm going dark," she says, as she literally washes her comm down the drain.

***** Commercial *****
9:41. Am I the only one who hopes Dana is setting up Kevin for an "accident" of some sort? She can't be this dumb.

Splitscreens - Sark, Sark's dying brother, Dana, etc.

Back to the UN. A British diplomat is threatening to Hassan's delegate that Britain is going to pull out of the peace deal. Hassan's chief of security steps up and escorts the delegate (this must be the guy Hassan was talking about earlier) off to be interrogated. The delegate sees the picture and is none too happy.

The chief of security calls Hassan's daughter. "Are you alone?" OK, subplot number three starting?

Now we're back in the doctor's office, and he's giving Sark medication to treat his brother. I'm really nervous that the doctor is going to not live through this. He seems like a very nice guy.

And, I was right. There's a knock on the door, and the doctor assumes it's the nurse. Instead it's a Russian goon who shoots the doctor dead and holds his gun on Sark (I just realized his name is Josef, so I'll call him that from now on) and his brother.

Crud, they killed the nurse too. And what looks like a security guard. Russian Goons! Man!

Meanwhile, on the top floor of a parking garage, Jack drives up to Vlad's goon. Jack is wearing glasses, which is hilarious. And he speaks German too. Is there anything Jack can't do? If you don't think Jack's in control, you don't know Jack. The goon notices that Jack speaks German with an American accent, as Jack cooly lights up a cigarette and makes some excuse about being around Americans all the time. Because, of course, when I hang around people from Mexico I start speaking my native tongue with a spanish accent. Don't you?

The goon wants the money. Jack insists that he talk to Vlad and the goon relays Jack's demand. Vlad is evidently getting undressed, but interrupts that to talk to Jack. Jack hands the phone back to the goon and Vlad tells the goon to kill Jack as soon as the money's transferred.

Jack has his laptop open already and begins the transfer . . . There are two other goons with this goon, so I'm guessing the Jack Bauer body count is about to go up by three.

By the way, I haven't been keeping track. I think he's offed about five bad guys so far, so we'll start there if there are any new additions (which I am assuming there will be).

***** Commercial *****
Final segment. It's 9:53. UN delegates, Vlad, and Jack on the split-screen.

Renee is getting dressed. So I'm not sure what happened. Maybe it's best I don't know. Vlad spills the beans that he's not going to do the deal. Renee is not happy, and she questions his manhood.

She decides to switch tactics and start flirting, and she's laying it on thick. "Once we do this deal and we have the money, we can be together . . . but I need my buyer, alive". Vlad says no deal.

Renee decides to make an emergency phone call to Jack, but Vlad rips the phone away from her and starts to choke her.

How smart was flushing that comm now, Renee?

9:55, and Jack is still transferring the money. Transfer done, and the goon-guns come out. Thankfully, Cole was nearby the whole time, decked out with a sniper package, and he takes out all the goons, except for the main one, who Jack tackles. Jack calls Vlad, and - I think - scares the crud out of him. Vlad asks to talk to Main Goon, and tells him to bring Jack back to where Vlad is. If only he knew how dumb that move is.

Splitscreens. Dana works her tech stuff, while Kevin and his sleazy sidekick drive to their rendezvous with destiny. Cruel Russian Dad confronts Josef. I think Josef is about to be dead. Josef correctly points out that killing the doctor, nurse, and security guard was not a good plan if their goal was to not attract attention. Cruel Russian Dad starts beating the crud out of Josef, punching and kicking him, and pulls a gun on him. While Josef begs for his life, the EVIL DAD turns the gun on Josef's irradiated brother and kills him. Cruel Russian Dad gives Josef a kiss of death and tells him "never disobey me again."

Beep. Boop. Beep. Boop. BEEP!

***** Next Week *****
Jack and Renee argue, Jack shoots things, Vlad and Cruel Russian Dad fight, Renee and Jack have a tender moment, and Dana screams at Kevin that if he gets caught she's hosed.

(For a way-funnier recap, check out Dave Barry's blog)