An 18 year old freshman killed himself at Rutgers last week. The reason it's still making headlines is the reaction.

The focus of news stories such as this one, (Emotions run high at Rutgers after teen's suicide) are the reactions and circumstances. This young man was homosexual and apparently killed himself because his roommate secretly videoed him kissing a man in his dorm room and then put the video out on the internet. This news story is a perfect storm: homosexual/gay rights, homophobia, privacy issues, the modern influence of the internet and social networks, student outrage and politicians scrambling to make statements and new laws.

But in the midst of all this, I see something maybe others don't. Please pay attention....

One reason that troubled young people kill themselves because they hope to achieve in death what they couldn't in life. Read the following story carefully:

When I was a freshman in High School one of the most popular kids in school killed himself. He was a star football player, was dating a cheerleader, was a senior and VERY well-liked. On the night his girlfriend broke up with him, he went upstairs in his house, got his father's pistol out of a drawer and blew his own brains out.

As you can imagine the entire school was affected. Grief counselors were everywhere. Any student that wanted could leave class and go talk to someone. There was a special tribute and moment of silence given over the intercom. It was all anyone could talk about. At the Friday morning pep rally for that night's football game, at which the entire school of 2,000 students was required to be present, the cheerleaders and football players gave a moving tribute to this young man. They declared officially that that night's game was dedicated to him and that they were going to win it for him. I didn't know him, but he was apparently very well-liked. A popular kid that deserved to be popular. Friendly and kind to everyone. Good-looking, smart, intelligent and everybody's friend.

I can understand why they went on about him as they did. His death was a shock. And it hit people hard. I can understand why the football team dedicated their game to him. I can understand why it was all anybody could talk about in class and at lunch for weeks. I can understand why his funeral was so big, and why students and teachers were given passes to attend. I can understand why every teacher felt they had to address it in class, and why there was a tribute for him over the intercom. And so every single student in that school not only knew about the suicide, but we were made to feel like we knew this guy. Everyone felt the grief and the impact on some level. It was impossible not to with all that attention.

Do you see where this is going?

That year three more kids killed themselves the same way. Single gunshot to the head. Only there was a major difference between these three and the popular football player. These three were all outcasts. They were losers. They were fringe people. They were definitely not "popular."

I don't know if there was any proof, but the administration came to believe, and I agree, that these other kids were copycats, very possibly trying to achieve in death what they never had in life. Tribute. Recognition. Popularity. People saying nice things about them.

And so the administration issued a new policy. There would be no more special recognition or official tributes to kids who killed themselves.

Now look at the news story that I linked to above about the student at Rutgers:

Rutgers University students wore black on Friday to remember a classmate who committed suicide as a lawmaker proposed stiffer penalties for invasion of privacy — the charge against the roommate accused of secretly streaming video of the victim's sexual tryst with a man.

Calling it "Black Friday," students at New Jersey's largest university were encouraged to leave flowers or mementoes at a makeshift memorial for 18-year-old Tyler Clementi, the violin-playing freshman who jumped off the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River last week.

The Rutgers football team also planned a moment of silence before its game Saturday against Tulane.
...
But Middlesex County Prosecutor Bruce J. Kaplan said Thursday that more charges were possible under New Jersey's hate-crimes law. "We will be making every effort to assess whether bias played a role in the incident, and, if so, we will bring appropriate charges," he said in a statement.

The legal question has to do with the motive.

People can be found guilty of a bias crime in New Jersey if a jury agrees they committed a crime because of a belief that the victim is a member of a protected group, such as a racial minority or gays and lesbians.

Sen. Shirley Turner's bill would raise the maximum fine for privacy invasion from $15,000 to $150,000 and would increase the possible prison sentence to five to 10 years, from the current three to five years.

Would you look at what this young man is getting in return for his suicide? A day honoring him, flowers, a moment of silence at the football game, former governors speaking out for him, a new law that will probably be named after him and his tormentors punished by three to five years in prison.

Wow. Do not be surprised if that looks really good to other tortured depressed young men. For them to escape from what feels like a living hell, plus the added benefit of knowing that those who made their lives hell will be punished, plus knowing that they'll finally get sympathy and love, could make suicide look pretty good to some who are already on the edge. I'm not saying it's the cause, but it could be enough to entice someone else to take the jump.

Please, please, please, no more.

To those who might be thinking that suicide might be worth it, don't. Please, please, don't do it.

To those lavishing praise and reward on this young man, please stop. I know you mean well. But stop. We don't want any more deaths. No, it won't be your fault directly. But if you knew there was something you could do (or not do) to stop someone from killing themselves, wouldn't you act on it?

Please listen to me. I know what I'm talking about. You don't know how enticing all this attention looks to a depressed young man.

I do.

Over two decades ago, I almost followed a well-liked popular high school football player's example. I'm so glad I didn't. But it's too late for my seatmate whose name I've already forgotten, who drove his car to the back of my neighborhood, put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger mere weeks after the football player.