The Thinklings

"Hope is one of the Theological virtues. This means that a continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do. It does not mean that we are to leave the present world as it is."

- C.S. Lewis

Friday, November 7, 2003

Bird Just Can't Let it Go

Posted by Jared @ 8:20 am CST
Filed under: Wild At Heart

Bird has actually corresponded recently with Wild at Heart author John Eldredge! Bird sent Eldredge an e-mail, expressing his concerns about the importance placed on men to find a "wound" in their lives, typically one left by their fathers. In a matter of hours, Eldredge responded. Needless to say, we Thinklings were surprised, pleased, and appreciative.
Here is their exchange:

Mr. Eldredge,

I don't have a "wound," as your book, Wild at Heart, defines it. My dad is a good guy; I'd even say he's a nice guy - but he never wounded me. I believe your book says that "nearly all" wounds are given to a son by his father. Are the majority of fathers really that bad? Are they really so bad that their sons would carry a father-given wound into their adult life?

I recently met with a group of guys who are presently studying your book. The topic of the evening was, "the wound." All of the guys in that group had, what I believed to be, legitimate wounds given to them by their fathers. When I suggested that I didn't have a wound, a few of the guys pressed me, asking me specifics about my dad and what he did and did not do with me when I was growing up. I mentioned to them that he was never a real stereotypical male: he didn't really watch sports, he didn't work on cars and he didn't hunt and fish. One of the guys in the room piped up, "Maybe that's your wound, that he never did those things with you?" Hogwash! My dad doesn't have to fit into a stereotype, and he doesn't have to enjoy stereotypical male hobbies to be a good, God-loving, family-oriented father.

I'd love to hear your opinion on this since I've read your book and I still have many questions about this issue in particular. Don't you think it's dangerous for men to start looking for wounds that quite possibly aren't there?

"Bird"
Waco, Texas

Great question, Bird. Lemme try and offer a few thoughts...

First of all, everybody is wounded in some way. This is a fallen world full of fallen people. To say we've come through life without ever being wounded is to say we were raised in Eden. However,
I think you're right - I don't think we need to go on some witch hunt for a "wound" we are completely unaware of. I'd simply ask Jesus, as the Psalms say, to "search me and know my heart - show me Lord, the important wounds of my life, that you might be my healer." Then leave it to him to bring up.
Also, there may be other, more significant wounds than the "father wound." A good friend of mine remembers a dedfining moment in gym class, when his coach shamed him openly in front of the other boys. To him, that shaped his life more than any father wound.

The point is, Jesus offers to heal the brokenhearted. I think its safe to say that none of us are fully the men or women that we could be. We all carry some sort of brokenness, one way or another. It might show itself in a fear of intimacy, or an issue with anger, or maybe a defensiveness about us. You might ask the people that know you well, "What am I like to live with - really?" All we can do is ask God to reveal where our brokenness lies, and be willing to accept it when he shows us. But I wouldn't chase a father wound you don't think is there.

John

14 comments

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Comments on "Bird Just Can't Let it Go":

1. Kenny - 11/07/2003 9:04 am CST

What are the chances that it is not Eldredge but a "ghost Eldredge"? That is really cool that he responded to Birds email.

2. Jared - 11/07/2003 9:11 am CST

You mean someone who works for Eldredge responding as him? I suppose it's possible, but I don't know why that person wouldn't just say, "Hi, Eric. I'm Punchy McGee. John can't personally answer every email, but I represent him, so I will," etc. That doesn't seem like too big a deal.
I give them the benefit of the doubt that it actually was El Drudge himself.

3. Kenny - 11/07/2003 9:17 am CST

Perhaps the very reason why he wouldn't say that is because his name is Punchy McGee and he is embarrassed.

4. Jared - 11/07/2003 9:59 am CST

LOL!

5. Robert Williams - 11/07/2003 4:27 pm CST

because his name is Punchy McGee and he is embarrassed.

Wow, that WOULD be quite a wound!

6. Barb - 11/09/2003 6:19 am CST

Bill, You haven't written. What do you think? Overall, I think this is pretty balanced.

7. Bill - 11/09/2003 12:59 pm CST

Barb,

Yes - I agree that it's balanced. When Bird first forwarded the email I remarked (via email) that it was very cool of Eldredge to have gotten back to him so quickly.

I don't get that much out of talking about wounds - and I had plenty of wounds growing up, just like everyone else.

I'm of the opinion that there comes a point where we move on from them in the power of Christ. We're supposed to move beyond the past, shed every weight that entangles us, and run the race. I hope that Eldredge believes the same.

8. jen - 11/10/2003 1:38 am CST

I'm of the opinion that there comes a point where we move on from them in the power of Christ. We're supposed to move beyond the past, shed every weight that entangles us, and run the race.

Bill, I agree 100% with that. My motto is "acknowledge and move on" - it's counter-productive to dwell on the past. You can't change it, you can't fix it. All you can do is acknowledge that it happened and move on, trying to learn from mistakes so they don't get repeated.

Dwelling on the hurts other bring to us just leads to bitterness. We are called to forgiveness - acknowledge the hurt, forgive the person who caused it, and move on.

9. Randy Brandt - 11/10/2003 7:17 am CST

As a negative reviewer of WaH, I was pleased by Eldredge's response. I stick to my premise that he's more careless than evil, more prone to sweeping generalizations than to heretical thought. Of course, for even suggesting that I've been called both a Pharisee and a Pharisse. I don't know which one is worse.

10. Brian - 11/12/2003 6:33 am CST

I applaud Mr. Eldredge for his very thoughtful, measured and "nice" response.

Good for him!

Punchy McGee? LOL

Jared, totally off topic, but you could put together one awesome humorous book of names. Not sure how to format it, but I'm imagining a small near the checkout line counter-size book. Not trying to demean any of your writing skilz at all, just saying that maybe as an aside...

I'd buy the first signed copy! :-)

11. Andy - 01/23/2005 4:45 pm CST

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=572&ncid=572&e=2&u=/nm/20050122/lf_nm/religion_wildatheart_dc

Here we go!

12. Andy - 01/23/2005 4:47 pm CST

Wild at BraveHEART?

Sorry...poor HTML.

13. Ark - 05/14/2005 1:23 pm CDT

Having just finished both WAH and Raising the Dead, my impression is that Eldredge's ideas are in reaction to his apparent previous understanding of Christianity, ie. that nothing about people is acceptable and the only hope is to sublimate any desire and follow principles and rules God laid out.

His present understanding seems to be an attempt to explain his discovery that Christianity is a "heart-religion" as much as a "head-religion" (though he seems to say "heart" should always win hands-down), and that there are impulses within a person that are not sinful (eg. the maculine desire to protect, etc etc). Unfortunately, he goes overboard.

Like Jared and others have said, I'm sure what he writes is helpful for many people - I have to confess I got something out of what he wrote - but while I am no opponent of introspection, I was disappointed there was not more about God. I know, I know, he talks about God, but not biblical, grunty, real God stuff. He seems to put the "goodness" of the redeemed heart first. I prefer dependence on God.

Have I said anything new?

Ark

14. Jamie - 05/14/2005 10:38 pm CDT

Just in response to Kenny, If you look at the company he has formed "Ransomed heart"... I think he keeps it like it is for that very reason (It's very small, low maintenance (crappy temp office apparantly) and he only organises WaH events, they won't do things like counselling individual people, or help those people on ministries that people got from the book)...

I didn't like it at first... but it definitely has their advantages... A book as inspirational as that could easily turn into some culty like form of control (G12 anyone?)... Where as John specifically says he'll have nothing to do with them... he wrote the book, you live your life...

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