"The abnegation of reason is not the evidence of faith, but the confession of despair."
- J.B. Lightfoot
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
1 And Alan said, Cast thine eyes upon the Blog Free-Association post.
2 See ye not all these things, how of the comments thereof, there is made increase? Verily I say unto you, Unless something shall be done from on high, the Gatorade post shall be overtaken.
3 And lo, the Thinklings received him not, nor the commenters thereof.
4 Yet spake he to them, saying, take heed that no man deceive you. The day is drawing nigh when the Gatorade bottle shall be eclipsed.
5 For many shall free-associate, and of their increase, there shall be no end.
6 What shall we say then? Shall we continue to free-associate, that comments and site visits may abound? May it never be.
7 And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
8 For Thinkling shall rise against Thinkling, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be whining, and moaning, and gastrointestinal upset, in divers places.
9 All these are the beginning of sorrows.
10 Then shall they post divers follies, and seeing them, ye shall be afflicted. Yeah, even shalt thou be afflicted, and laugh not.
11 And then shall many be offended, and shall comment against one another.
12 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.
13 But he that shall endure unto the end, what profit hath he? For he hath spent all of this time on a blog.
14 When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, sitting in the place of preeminence, (whoso readeth, let him understand:)
15 Then let them which be in Nashville flee into the mountains:
16 Yet though he have a Blackberry, let him check not the blog; lest he perish in the way:
17 Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes. For what doth he do in the field without any clothes on? Verily, though I have asked, tell me not, lest I be stricken by too much information.
18 And woe unto them that are blest with sons, and to them that suck, for example, the Texas A&M Aggies!
19 But pray ye that your flight be not in Houston in August, for thou canst not take the heat, neither on the sabbath day, not that anyone doth remember the day thereof, to keep it holy, but anyway:
20 For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be.
21 Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Blo, or there; believe it not. For verily Blo is not. Or is a chick, one of the two.
22 And there shall arise false a false Asbell; his posts shall wax great; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive even Jen.
23 Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, Jared is on hiatus, in the secret chambers, go not forth to check the blog: believe it not.
24 And wheresoever the carcass is, there will the Taverners be gathered together, for desire they much to beat the horse that hath died. And verily, to beat it again, even unto the end of the age.
25 Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh:
26 Yet verily I have forgotten whatsoever the fig tree haveth to do with any of this. So never mindeth.
27 Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled. Read thou my lips: this generation, okay?
28 Notwithstanding, two millennia from now shalt a man read this, and think forsooth this doth apply to his generation, and not ours. Behold, could I make these words any clearer? I thinketh not.
29 Heaven and earth shall pass away, but the Gatorade post shall not pass away.
30 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not even Shrode.
31 But as the days of Noah were, so shall also this day of tribulation be.
32 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,
33 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the day of devastation be be unto us.
34 Then shall two be in the Little League field; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
35 Two women shall be grinding at the club; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
36 Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour the end doth come.
37 But know this, the goodman of the house has known the thief would come, and verily De hath done nothing, though he did watch the tribulation approach. Lo, his doom is sure.
38 Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:
39 And then shall all commenters mourn, with weeping, and gnashing of teeth, and sackcloth and ashes.
31 Well, except they that rejoiceth. They have their reward.
Trackbacks:
Trackback URL: http://thinklings.org/bloo.trackback.php/3253.
Comments on "Day of Wrath, Day of Mourning-- See Fulfilled the Prophet's Warning!":
5. Quaid
- 08/16/2006 6:20 pm CDT
First of all:
cool.
Second of all:
I was totally on a Mission Trip in Mexico when the prophecy was spoken forth. I did not return for days afterward. This is the first I have seen of the original prophecy and I am heavyhearted, to say the least, that I missed it.
6. Quaid
- 08/16/2006 6:25 pm CDT
"Two women shall be grinding at the club . . ."
wha? did I just read what I think I just read?
9. Donnell Duncan
- 08/17/2006 2:04 am CDT
This is funny. I wasn't expecting to read anything like this today but dude, you're hilarious. Hahahahaha! Great spoof!
10. Danny Kaye
- 08/17/2006 2:30 am CDT
This is really fantastic! And I gotta tell ya', I loved these two lines:
25 Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh:
26 Yet verily I have forgotten whatsoever the fig tree haveth to do with any of this. So never mindeth.
Pure comedic jeeniuss, dude.
11. De
- 08/17/2006 3:07 am CDT
heh - you deftly slipped in some preterism too!
Also . . .
"37 But know this, the goodman of the house has known the thief would come, and verily De hath done nothing, though he did watch the tribulation approach. Lo, his doom is sure."
I notice that I remain the black sheep of the Thinklings. I'm thinking of just going full-out evil and becoming a Dark Lord.
12. jen
- 08/17/2006 3:58 am CDT
Fantastic!
I heard Orson Wells in my head as I read it.
And thanks for the mention and link.
13. Philip
- 08/17/2006 4:03 am CDT
Awesome, Alan. Awesome. If there were ever any doubt as to whether you should have been made an honorary thinkling.... you removed it!
(I think Asbell and Blo should be getting nervous....)
My favorite verse:
17 Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes. For what doth he do in the field without any clothes on? Verily, though I have asked, tell me not, lest I be stricken by too much information.
That had to be for Jewel.
14. Milly
- 08/17/2006 4:15 am CDT
Dude totally missed
And it was a woman name Milly who brought forth the conquering of the Gator of Aid. Her name was Milly and there was dancing and rejoicing of the Blog Free Association for the battle was long and the computers were on yet they stayed up day and night neglecting the evils of the jobs so that they could unite and overcome the yellgree..
(Except for the CoC folks with the dancing)
It was grand writing sir!
15. De
- 08/17/2006 4:24 am CDT
32. And lo, rising from the ocean came the beast Quaid, who didst speaketh vain words against the Blog Free Association and against De. And his prophet Rod didst also stand by, speaking words of vanity and derision. By many stripes didst the Quaid wound De, and there was much rejoicing, for the peoples of the whole blogosphere didst hateth De in their folly, having been deceived.
33. Yet there was a remnant who remained true. They were dressed in white robes and wore crowns of gold upon their heads. They didst follow the wisdom of Milly and didst blog free associate everywhere they went, confounding all who didst hear them.
34. And the peoples of the Boars Head Tavern didst get drunk.
17. Damon
- 08/17/2006 5:53 am CDT
Dude....what do you do for a living where you have time to write all of this? :-) I need a career change!
18. Vivace
- 08/17/2006 6:16 am CDT
Forget prophetic warnings - you really should post COYN (coffee-out-your-nose)or SOM (spew-on-monitor) warnings.
This is great stuff.
But beware! Some will take your authorized, God-inpsired (and endorsed) Word and create false, heretical translations that will drag all true followers into apostasy.
:)
19. RazorsKiss.net » Daily Cut - 8/17
- 08/17/2006 4:09 pm CDT
[...] I agree with the first comment on this post. (Blest’s) - Pure Genius. [...]
This. Is. Pure. Genius.
I bow to thee! Yea and verily I bowest. However, I doth confess confusion at verse 18...sayeth thou that thy servant sucketh? (Or should I be a dispensationalist and assume that this is written to a specific blest with sons who is not me? I thinketh not) Or am I just stricken with woe? Yea, I do feelest woe at the tribulation which is upon us.
13, 21, 23, and 24 should all be added to the quote rotation at the top. I have spoken.
Oh - and I read this outloud to my husband -with much expression - and much spraying on saliva on my laptop as I choked with laughter (I'll be sending you the cleaning bill). Naturally he didn't get a lot of it -but he still laughed.