My favorite self-diagnosed Asperger's syndrome having, accordion playing, toast loving, Kurd serving, Christian radio elevating, humorist-slash-provocateur with an important rant:

You're an adult. Get over your parents, for crying out loud.

Seriously.

You got married, that means you have a new family, a new primary relationship. "Oh, but he's still my daddy, and -- " Sure he is. But you remember that whole father "giving you away" part? Yeah, that means he gave you away. Like, as in, "away". Like as in, your not his, anymore.

"But he's still my authority, and -- " No, no he's not. No matter what he says.

"But doesn't the Bible say to honor your parents, and -- " Sure does! So do it: Taking on your own life, your own new family, your own marriage project, is not dishonoring mom and dad. It's honoring them. Congrats, parents! Your kid actually grew up.

That was their goal, right? That's honoring. Mom and dad succeeded, and their kid is now an adult, not some sycophantic, overgrown, whiny, baby-bird that can't... quite... fly...

"But my mom loves that I'm still kind of dependent on her, and -- " Of course she does. It's natural. And it's natural, too, for her to want you to gripe about your spouse to her, and confirm her suspicion that you're much, much better than the person you're married to. After all, you're an extension of her. So yes, it's "natural". Just like a lot of dumb, immature things are "natural". But who knows? Maybe she can grow up, too.

Maybe you read that whole thing in the Bible about, "leaving" your parents, and starting over? Maybe you think that's just too radical? Well, there are a lot of radical things in the Bible, and -- let's be honest -- this "leaving" thing was a lot MORE radical back in the day, when the rest of the ancient world was all about sticking with your parents until their dying day. It was just plain shocking, actually.

So yep, it's radical. But there it is.

Also "radical": Not repeating the same mistakes your dad made. Or acting like your mom. Or raising your kids in a new way. Or setting out on a new journey, a better one, that God has planned for you. Freedom is radical. So is maturity.

(Bonus: The Krusty Sage's wife thinks he's hot when he demonstrates he's his own man. She also thinks he's hot because of his awesome white beard and his awesome wooden throne-thing, but the whole "Chart our own course together" is pretty dang romantic, too. And this from a Sage who totally loves and enjoys his own parents.)

Quit letting them tell you where to be for Christmas. Quit being emotionally dependent on them. Don't borrow money from them, if you can avoid it. Quit the, "I can't believe my mom just did/said that!" routine that still gets you fired up. Besides, unless you're stupid, you CAN believe she said "that", because he's been saying "that" for years. Quit being shocked, repeatedly, by the same thing.

Do not let them have power over you. Oh, they still want it, God bless 'em. But too stinking bad.

Start over. Do everyone a favor.

Love your parents, yes; appreciate them, yes; be there for them when you're needed, yes. Perhaps, when they're old and frail, they'll need you. Wonderful. Just do your best so you don't need them, anymore.

Want to "honor your parents"?

Grow. Up.

Whether they like it or not.

Sheesh.