Took my wife to the airport this morning, and on the way back I heard the song "The Living Years" by Mike and The Mechanics. I remember liking this song when I was a kid, but I never really knew any of the words beyond the chorus. I listened to the verses for the first time this morning.
I always thought the song was about telling people you love them and reconciling with loved ones "before it's too late." Sort of a proto- "Say What You Need to Say," I guess.
But "The Living Years" is not about that at all -- at least, not directly. It's basically about the dude wishing he could have shared his beef with his dad before he died. He says he is a prisoner of his dad's hopes and what-not and he wishes he could have told him that while he was alive. It's about making sure somebody knows you're unhappy with them. In fact, the "bitterness" he sings about in a later verse is attributed to not being able to vent to the person who caused it. He even regrets he wasn't there when his dad died so he could tell him about his pain.
Selfish brat.
- C.S. Lewis
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I guess I see it as a false dichotomy: tell him you're angry with him before he dies or be bitter.
How about a third option: forgive.
But he doesn't really even say his dad "did something" to him. It's more about baggage and hopes his dad had for him or whatever. In all honesty, it sounds like typical Baby Boomer "it's my daddy's fault" self-centeredness.
I'm not saying nobody's dad ever caused anyone pain or wounds or whatever. I'm just saying that in the context of the song, it sure sounds like a self-centered anthem about making sure someone knows you're unhappy with them so you don't have to carry the baggage. It sounds like he'd prefer to give his dying dad the baggage.
How about just letting it go?
Dallas Willard has some good stuff to say along the lines of self control about this "need" we think we have to say everything we feel about people in order to make ourselves feel better.
I remember liking this song when I was a kid
I suppose I need to let go of that. It was like a knife I my old heart. Really why ya gotta make me feel so old? Dern kids. (Milly shakes her fist)
Sure you’d need to let go but he’s saying you need to tell them how you feel so that you don’t regret it. I think this is a two way song, it's how you're looking at it.
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It’s the bitterness that lasts
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
Its too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye
I guess I see it as if you and I don’t agree rather that being pinned down by what you think and walking away and staying away I should tell you how I feel. So we might get a bit loud but only then can we work it out.
Aren’t we to say how we feel instead of the bitterness that lasts? I’ve always taken this to mean that he should have talked with his father about how he felt so that they both could move on.