"Membership in the family of God is neither inconsequential or something to be casually ignored. The church is God's agenda for the world. Jesus said, "I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it." The church is indestructable and will exist for eternity. It will outlive this universe, and so will your role in it."
- Rick Warren
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Since I began in ministry 17 years ago as a youth pastor, I've been hearing young men and women say about dating and marriage some variation of the phrase, "I just want someone who loves Jesus." Of course, this includes loving them, loving others, etc., but the gist of it is, "I don't care about superficial things; I just want a good Christian."
Yesterday I called these people liars on Twitter. Some understood and agreed or LOL'd. Others asked to clarify. One guy asked me why I called him a liar. :-)
I'm sure there's a few people who really do only want someone who loves Jesus and will compromise on the rest. But the reason why the vast majority of the people who say this are lying liars is because I've watched these same young people date nonChristians, get into unhealthy sexual relationships, basically live like God ain't watching, and/or ignore the young people in their relational spheres who actually love Jesus.
In fact, I notice that the young men and women who do just love Jesus tend to stay single quite a while.
So I'm left assuming that what people really mean is "I just want someone who loves Jesus . . . but also looks like Channing Tatum or Megan Fox. Actually, if they look like Channing Tatum or Megan Fox it's cool if they just think Jesus is neat. Actually, if they're a nice person and look hot but don't love Jesus, I'm sure they'll come around through some full-body witnessing."
I notice the double standard even in young men and women who look more like Carol Channing or Redd Fox. They want a nice Christian significant other who won't be superficial and will just love them for who they are -- but they want that person to be hot (or have a well-paying job or whatever). :-)
I used to call even these people liars because I'd have young men saying they didn't care about looks just faith and young women saying they didn't care about looks just faith, but none of them would date each other.
(By the way, wanting a hot significant other is okay. God bless ya if ya happen to land one. Just be honest about it. And stop saying you just want a good Christian if that's actually the most negotiable trait on the table.)
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Comments on ""I Just Want Someone Who Loves Jesus"":
6. nhe
- 06/14/2011 12:27 pm CDT
Disclaimer: probably going to be more forthright than I should be here:
There's another side to this too Jared. Our daughter was one of those who said this - I just want someone who loves Jesus - and we believe she meant it.
She said it as a junior in HS (age 17). We were going to a Willow Creek style church and she was heavily involved in the youth group. She's beautiful inside and out (not just dad sayin' that) and she had/has high standards and felt that no one in her (rather massive) youth group fit the bill.
2 years later in college, she met a guy 7 years older than her who is pentecostal and (as it would follow) very vocal about how much he loves Jesus. She found him wonderfully refreshing (and hot) and 2 years later they were married in his church. None of the guys she knew before that really talked openly about loving Jesus. When one came along that did, it was all over, because the contrast was so striking. This guy is far from perfect (but he did have that going for him).
During their 2 years of dating, we laid it out pretty clearly how challenging becoming pentecostal would be for her and how we had some concerns with some of the theology. We liked (and still like) the guy, but our concerns are being somewhat validated. I have to admit though (a year and a half into marriage) she's walking with Christ and is happy......which is more than a dad can ask for.
My point - it is tough (really tough) these days for kids to stick to their guns about someone who loves Jesus. In our daughter's case, she fell for the first "outwardly loving Jesus" person she met, and she's one of those who read Liz Elliot's Passion & Purity at 16 and lived it. She had to go outside what I would call Orthodox Christianity to find it - or well, at least thought she did.
I'm thankful our youngest is 17.........it is hard to raise God-centered kids (with mid-to-high hormone levels especially) these days.
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Flirt to convert is much easier with the good looking ones.