Ironically, I was looking for someone very different from myself and sort of ended up being lassoed by someone quite similar to me in temperament, interests, etc.; I suspect we probably could have been connected through one of those sites. My wife isn't the woman I thought I was supposed to be looking for (except as regards physical attraction--I always wonder how places like eHarmony figure that into the equation), but it would seem God knew better; twelve years later, I'm certainly not complaining. :) Of course, part of that is that temperament aside, she's an intelligent, godly woman of high character, and all the way around better than I deserve. (She's also hanging over my shoulder reading this comment as I type . . . :) Which doesn't make any of the above anything less than true.)

woah, it was like you were ease-dropping in my living room earlier today. I had a similar discussion with my father because I noted how dissimilar he and my mother are - in almost every way. weird..

After being together for twenty years we are more alike then we were in the beginning. I know we were very different at first me CoC him Catholic me Okie him Yankee. Now he’s CoC and an honorary Okie. It’s better if you grow together to fit then if you’re just the same.

Do you think, if both your profiles had been plugged into eharmony.com or some other matchup site, you would ever have come up as prime candiates for lifelong wedded bliss?

Heck no.

Beau and I are very different and he is not the kind of man I pictured myself marrying. He is the perfect man for me, however.

The things we have in common include our faith, interest in politics, family upbringing, central California, and that's about it.

I love TV - he hates it. I love pop culture - he can't be bothered with the latest Hollowood gossip. I'm a news junkie - he only pays attention to the key bits. I read fiction - he reads non-fiction. I hate the outdoors - he loves it. I like the cold - he prefers the heat of summer.

Our differences give us something to talk about, but also give us things to do independently of one another. I think we'd be pretty boring and very bored if we were too alike.

My parents and my sister and her husband are equally different from each other.

I have to say that the differences that Beau and Jen have sound very similar to the differences Tammie and I have. Except for the temperature thing. I do better with cold and Tammie does better with heat.

Jen, how are you and Beau connected to Central Calif.?

I have to say, to have that quote from Lewis pop up atop this page while we're having these conversations is absolutely hilarious.

"I'm tall, fat, rather bald, red-faced, double-chinned, black-haired, have a deep voice, and wear glasses for reading."

He grew up there - near San Luis Obispo. I lived in the Monterey area for a while during high school when my Dad was in the Navy. It's not much, but a slight connection.

Hey chaps, long lurk no comment. I have a question:

So how on earth did you guys know when you'd found these people, then? And did you know immediately or what, like you know with a good sweater? Or did you date for a bit and come to realise it was right, like with the right... um... car? My shopping analogy is breaking down around my ears but you know what I mean.

See, I know pretty much what I'm looking for but then I'm a perfectionist when it comes to even, like, punctuation and spelling and everything, so I'm likely to be being even worse when it comes to choosing who I live with for the rest of my earthly. So do you take a risk on someone different or do you just wait to Fall?

So do you take a risk on someone different or do you just wait to Fall?

I don't know if I'm going to get alot of agreement here, but here's what I think based on my experience: It depends on how old you are. If you're not even close to thirty, and you have "list", you can probably throw it out the window. Your heart will do what it wants anyway, you're too young to have a "list" based on any real knowledge of people, and if the "Fall" happens with someone you're not a "good fit" with, you'll be young and flexible enough to change. And if you're young, you'll be thinking about the "Fall" alot more than the "fit" anyway.

But when you get rather far into your thirties, change comes harder, and the passions just aren't as intense. And by that time, you can probably do a much better job of picking up on who is good for you and who isn't. Studiously seek out the former and avoid the latter.

Bob, what you say is interesting. I'm still fairly safely on the frolicsome side of thirty (27) but am starting to see my list get bigger as I notice more things I like and don't like in the various girls I know (many of whom are, I hasten to add, both single and delightful, and if any gents are feeling lonely and your Texas trip doesn't work out you could do worse than take a jaunt across the pond to Devon, but preferably on a weekend when pigwotflies is visiting so's to kill as many birds as possible with one stone). I just wonder whether I'm being unrealistic in feeling that "until all these graces come within one woman, one woman shall never come within my grace", as the brilliant Signor Benedick (spelling?) would say.

Even Benedick changes his tune eventually, mostly because all his friends can see that Beatrice is the woman for him. Perhaps there's something in that. We're all pushed to find the right person by ourselves and while, ultimately, yes, it is about a choice made by two individual people about whether they're right for each other, those two people are within a community, whether that's one church or the big worldwide Church. So should we all be looking out for each other's potential partners, as well as for our own? Or is that all too match-makery and fraught with danger, running the risk of trying to set people up with each other just because that would suit ourselves?

Perhaps I'm asking the obvious, but do the singles speaking here pray for God to send them the right mate? My mom taught us to start praying for this when we became teenagers.

Just wondering...

De - have you ever seen this message before:

Could not initialize the Bloo system for some reason. See the error message below for more information:

Error on connect: Too many connections

Yes, I do.
Bloo keeps eating my comments.

So should we all be looking out for each other's potential partners, as well as for our own? Or is that all too match-makery and fraught with danger, running the risk of trying to set people up with each other just because that would suit ourselves?

I think it needs a happy medium (which, no, does not mean a psychic who just got a big check for her services). If we're setting people up to suit ourselves, that's bad. If we're trying to make connections between people we think ought to get to know each other--well, that's a good thing, and in more ways than the romantic.

From my point of view, if two people really ought to be introduced because it looks to you like they'd be good friends, you ought to introduce them--not in a "hey, I'm setting you up, go neck" kind of way, but just on the grounds that you think they'd get along well; and if you happen to be introducing two of complementary sex, and if wedding bells ensue, then great, and if they just end up good friends, that's great too, and if none of the above, then oh, well.

So how on earth did you guys know when you'd found these people, then?

Wellll, ummm, in my case, one of our good mutual friends threatened me with a corkscrew. True story.

And did you know immediately or what, like you know with a good sweater?

She did (and had for a while, which was pretty much the reason for the aforementioned corkscrew); I didn't. I liked her, I enjoyed her company, but I had to do the dating thing for a while first. I didn't fall in love, I grew into it.

Though I've always liked the way Harrod & Funck put it in their song "Ashes": "I never fell in love; I stepped in it twice."

"De - have you ever seen this message before"

Yes, but it's been a long time since I've experienced it - and it means that the mysql engine is overwhelmed, at that moment, with requests.

PWF - is that the error you're seeing?

Please email me at bill AT outofthebloo DOT com if you have problems, and provide me with any information you can.

Anyone else besides Maripat, AM and PWF losing their comments? Let me know - thanks!

Yep, same error.

Nope, nadda. My husband is so different than what I thought I needed. He does meet certain "criteria" if you will. Things that are important to me like loving the Lord, a leader in our family...but in reguards to likes, dislikes, personality...different.

I was 24 when I decided to get married. That was around Jan 1 1992. I made my list and prayed for that woman and to be engaged by the end of the year.

Maria and I met later that month at a Super Bowl party, were dating steadily by mid March and were engaged on Halloween. We married the following February 20th. To Nathan's question, I have no idea about sweaters, but I pretty much knew that Maria and I would be married by the end of our first date.

To the point at hand, my list was someone a lot like me. I got what I asked for, but she's not like me much at all. In the end, it's our differences I treasure. It's what she is that I'm not that has made me what I am now. If she hadn't been so not like me, particularly in our backgrounds, there's a whole part of the world I'd have no idea about.

ok, first, not only have I been praying for my future spouse to COME FIND me, but also that God would be preparing him in the ways that God needs someone who will marry me to be. And also that He will continue to turn me into a suitable wife, preparing me for my husband, making me agreeable.

salguod - I enjoyed reading comment 19. I've often thought that it's the differences and the quirks that I like in people. not their perfections, but rather it's their imperfections that make them unique and lovable to me. I love whomever because of their imperfections, not in spite or them, because without those imperfections they wouldn't be who they are. (that's not to say that we shouldn't grow in Christ etc)

ok, first, not only have I been praying for my future spouse to COME FIND me,

Lauren, go to Marshillchurch.org and listen to the sermon series on Ruth...

Not to disagree with the thought of praying for a mate, but I found my wife fairly quickly after a time of abject surrender where I told God that it I was to be single for the rest of my life, that was O.K. as long as it was his will. Aside from faith, we're actually not all that similar, but I've found that out of those dissimilarities God has woven a new thing that has it's own characteristics and flavor. Without going into too much detail, there are ways that God has revealed himself to us and through us that I believe would have been impossible without the ongoing work inherent in two dissimilar individuals learning to live together as one flesh.

Thanks, Ellen, I'm listening right now.

Aaron- I've been praying that IF I have a spouse that he'll find me...and I am content to live a life unmarried. There is a lot of ministry opportunity that will be easier as a single person than it would be as a married person, worrying about a family. I've heard similar stories to yours. And I think that until a person can truly be content in his singleness being solely fed by God to be his portion and delight that person will not find contentment in marriage, because contentment is found in God and not in marriage.

Ellen - thoughts on Ruth sermon:
When I lived in Mississippi, I thought they only way I would be able to find a suitable husband would be if a yankee just happen to be visiting the state by mistake..now that I live in the dfw area, I don't worry about that any more.
...
"It's Biblical. Talk to her." -nice.
...
"How is this being used to sanctify me?" - ooo, (looks back at past affliction slightly embarrassed about falling for "bad Calvinism")
...
"the bloggers went nuts." -lol
...
"How you doing?" "It's horrible. My life suuucks." - rofl. oh my word, If I ever get back to Seattle, I'll come visit.
...
ok, that's all. Did you have a specific issue you were hoping that I'd pick up on? I'll listen to the other parts later..thanks ellen.

Lauren,
By background I'm an evangelical, but of late I've come to the conclusion that the eastern church has a lot to say about this issue. We tend to think of things such as singleness in america as opportunities to do something, and this is quite true. After all, Paul said as much. I think that simulaneously it goes far deeper though. The easter church speaks of the via positiva and the via negativa, ways of allowing our Lord to speak with us. The positive way is the way of marriage, seeing the mystic unity between Christ and the Church as it is lived out in a concrete human marriage. As I know from experience, it works. But there is also the negative way, the way of meeting God in the darkness as Moses did on the mountain, as Elijah did in the still small voice (actually also on the mountain. This is not to say that both aspects of God's self revelation are not present in one life. This past week my wife and I have met God in a deep way during a dark experience in our marriage. This is a lot of pseudo-intelligent rambling to make a simple statement, that our goal-oriented approaches to singleness and marriage alike can often miss the deeper point that God is calling us into a relationship with Himself and simultaneously reshaping us in his image. Both singleness and marriage are tools whereby that happens, but the important thing is THAT it happens.

Note: Sorry for the three posts, Bloo was going into spasms and I couldn't stop it.

No worries, Aaron. I've cleaned up.

The 1.0 version will definitely have multiple-comment protection in it. We're seeing these dups and triplets a lot these days, seems like

Lauren: I was thinking of the several times where he said, "don't chase a man...but it's okay to put yourself in his way."

Ruth didn't exactly sit on her chair and wait for Boaz to come to her.

;-)

ah, I haven't gotten to that part yet. thanks Ellen!