"Attainments are like the manna given to the Israelites in the desert -- good only for the day."

- Dallas Willard
NFL Mascots Categorized

I like to think in terms of themes and commonalities.(I know I'm weird.) So I was looking at my son's NFL Poster that had a helmet from every team on it the other day and realized that NFL mascots really aren't all that creative. Let me show you what I mean. There are only 5 types of NFL Mascots:
Wildcats, Birds, Speedy Mammals, Mighty Warriors and Local Yokels.

Wildcats
Bengals
Jaguars
Panthers
Lions

Birds with sharp beaks
Ravens
Cardinals
Falcons
Eagles
Seahawks
Jets (Hey, it's a mechanical bird. This one name threatens my theory.)

Speedy Mammals
Bills
Broncos
Colts
Dolphins
Chargers
Bears
Rams

Mighty Warriors
Chiefs
Raiders
Titans
Cowboys
Vikings
Giants
Buccaneers
Redskins

Local Yokels
Browns
Texans
Patriots
Steelers
Cowboys
Packers
Saints
49'ers


And that's it...

What do you think of my theory? Do you think I miscategorized any, or should I change any categories?

When you look at it this way, you could almost narrow it down to three categories: Fierce animals, Warriors, Local Yokels. (By "local yokel" I mean some kind of reference, usually historical to the region of that team, which is why, of course, that the "Oilers" had to change their name.)

You can see what those who name teams are looking for: Someone brave and fast or fearsome. There are no "snails" or "fairy princesses".

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Comments on "NFL Mascots Categorized":
1. damien - 11/05/2013 6:56 am CST

pretty cool what you've done here. i like your categories. but isn't a charger something we use to get extended life for our batteries?

2. Karl - 11/05/2013 9:45 am CST

Like the breakdown but I had the same question about Chargers being a speedy mammal.

3. NHE - 11/05/2013 2:39 pm CST

Buffalo Bills would be my only beef (every pun intended)....are we confirmed on what a Bill is? (And regardless, Buffalo aren't overly speedy)...and since a picture of the animal associated with the city name is on the helmet, I might put it more in local yokel category.

Other wise, daddy like!

4. Shrode - 11/05/2013 2:43 pm CST

Yeah...I struggled with the Chargers too. I assumed that it was horses...then I wikipediad it, and saw that it was named by owner who was inspired by baseball fans who yelled "dah-dah-dah-dah-DAH - CHARGE!!!!!"

That's why I included it under fast mammals, I picture the Charge of the Light Brigade, or the calvary rushing forward on horses into battle. And I was picturing a "Charger" as a powerful warhorse, since that is sort of what "dah-dah-dah-DAH Charge!" is supposed to be reminding us of.

So the lightning bolt has like no connection to the origin.... :-)

But still, a lightning bolt means power and speed, so you can see why it would be picked and why it goes along with other NFL mascots.

Where else would I put "Chargers"? Does it and Jets blow my theory out of the water? :=_

5. Shrode - 11/05/2013 2:48 pm CST

NHE, Why isn't "Buffalo Bill" their mascot? Then I guess they could be categorized under "Mighty Warriors". Yeah, the Buffalo Bills are a weird name since the city name, not the mascot name, is the image they use. Weird.

6. NHE - 11/05/2013 2:56 pm CST

I'm sure there's a Google-able story about the Buffalo Bills nomenclature history Shrode....it's an odd one (like the Browns naming themselves after their founder).

7. NHE - 11/05/2013 3:17 pm CST

I'd also argue that if Redskins are "Warrior-esque", then so our Cowboys.

Especially since you have to otherwise go to Wyoming to find a semi-major college mascot with that name.....(not so local)

I'm 50/50 on this one, they could fit in local/warrior equally...but we knew of the the Dallas Cowboys long before they were localized by JR Ewing :)

8. Shrode - 11/05/2013 4:02 pm CST

I already had "Cowboys" in there twice. I guess you missed it. :-) I have them under local yokels AND warriors. Probably the "Patriots" could go under both too.

What name are you talking about that is in Wyoming? Cowboys? What about Oklahoma State?

I know that other regions of the country can claim "Cowboys" as local, but certainly Texas' claim to it is just as legitimate as anyone elses. Similarly, some other Local Yokel names could be accurately applied elsewhere. (The Saints, the Packers)

A simpler categorization for the whole list would be: Fast things, Warriors and Local Yokels: and then several things would fit two categories at once.

9. Shrode - 11/05/2013 4:09 pm CST

From Wikipedia

The Bills were named as the result of the winning entry in a local contest by Michael Doucas (son of legendary NFL star Sam Davies), which named the team after the AAFC Buffalo Bills,[5] a previous football franchise from the All-America Football Conference that merged with the Cleveland Browns in 1950. That team was named after a male bison or "Billy". The name was chosen from a contest that was won by Bill Keenan. The similarity to famous Wild West showman Buffalo Bill Cody, while used as a play on words in the previous Bills team's iconography, is not (nor has it ever been) used by the current team. The Bills' cheerleaders are known as the Buffalo Jills. The official mascot is Billy Buffalo.


So there you go. A "Billy" is a male Bison. So it's picture/logo is correct.

10. damien - 11/06/2013 7:44 am CST

the buffalo may not be particularly fast, but i'd hate to have to outrun a stampede of them on the open range. i'm pretty sure i would end up fairly indistinguishable from the dusty trail.

11. NHE - 11/06/2013 8:52 pm CST

Univ of Wyoming Cowboys is their mascot......but w/ all those 10 gallon hats in TX, that works too

12. Johnny - 11/07/2013 8:39 am CST

They need to have a team with a logo of an aspirin bottle, to signify the chronic pain these players experience in their bodies from this sport.

13. Raindream - 11/07/2013 2:08 pm CST

These businessmen need more creative names.

The Denver Destruction!!
Seattle Cyclone!!
Tennessee Terrorifors!!
St. Louis Shut-Yo-Mouth!!

14. اغاني سمارة - 11/17/2013 2:41 am CST

the buffalo may not be particularly fast, but i'd hate to have to outrun a stampede of them on the open range. i'm pretty sure i would end up fairly indistinguishable from the dusty trail.

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