"Patzer sees check, Patzer makes check."

- Bobby Fischer
They're Not Fun-Sized

Dear Candy Bar Companies,
Chocolate Candy Bars that are small enough to fit in the palm of my hand are not "fun-sized". Every time I see the side of one of those packages and it says, "Fun-size" I think that you are insulting my intelligence or playing a cruel joke on me. It's like calling a really big bouncer "Tiny" or a chihuahua "Killer". It's funny because it's the opposite.

A Fun-Size candy bar would be one, I don't know, as big as my van. That would be a fun size. But something I can eat in two bites, one if I'm hungry...it's not fun. It's more like a tease. I understand that you don't want to call your candy bars "small". (Maybe the same marketing guys told you that who also changed the term from "used cars" to "Pre-owned".)

So I have some other, much more accurate suggestions:
Smurf Size
Junior Size
Less Guilt Size
Morsel Sized
Two-bites sized
"First of Ten" sized
Halloween sized
Snack Jar sized
"not quite enough" size

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Comments on "They're Not Fun-Sized":
1. Flyaway - 11/22/2013 6:52 pm CST

How about:

Diet size
Miser size
Baby size
Less $4 more size

2. Shrode - 11/22/2013 10:16 pm CST

oooooh. Those are good, flyaway! Thank you!
I like "Miser size" :)

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