Me: Discouraged (and, yes, this post is a bit self-serving. It gives me a forum to share my discouragement with you :-)

[Also - huge disclaimer: My problems are minuscule. I am a volunteer. I have friends who are suffering in ministry and also rely on it for their livelihoods. I can't even imagine what that's like, and I'm not worthy to tie their shoes]

Jill and I lead the young singles group at our church. We took over this class a year ago. When we arrived, we were told that they averaged "about 8 each week".

After a year, we're averaging (if we're lucky) about 8.

We love these people. They are precious to us. But our true "core" is probably 4 or 5 people. Other people come and go.

Last night we ran into one of the people we've always considered a leader in the group. She's wonderful and a great, positive influence on the group.

She told us that she's looking for other churches. No real reason given (she volunteered this information without us asking). It was deflating. We need her. And she's not the first to have left. Many have.

We feel stuck. I know what I've been called to do: teach the Bible. It's really all I feel equipped to do (and maybe I'm just not that good at it). We lack vision. I'm not sure where to get it. The class has tried for a year to get a decent rhythm of outside of class friendships and fellowships going - that's fallen flat.

In addition, we are "off-site" - not in the main church building but over in the nearby YMCA. I don't blame the church for this - it is out of space, and other classes are soon to join us over there. But it makes it harder to gain visitors.

I'm told that the church has it in their budget to gain a true, full-time minister to college and singles. We're praying this happens. I think that is what it will take to get motion going here. And that person will have a gifts-mix that will fill in the holes in my mix.

All that being said: we're very thankful for this group and I truly enjoy the Bible study times and after-church lunches. They are great people. They deserve better.

Bill, I'll be praying for you and Jill. Ministering to singles is a challenge. As one who was a long time single person - thank you for your service. God is using you, I'm sure.

I've taken some time off from ministry stuff at church to focus on Beau and Jesse. However, we're praying about leading a small group and we both get kind of jazzed at the thought. So I think that means we'll probably do it. I'm excited about it. But I'm also sad about it because it means I'll have to drop the other ministry areas that I love - worship team and choir. I love to sing and I'll miss those things.

De,
I think you are being called to teach so hang in there. I can kind of relate to being off site in a way. I’ve spoken of this before here. I stared to attend a class for women who’s husbands don’t attend church. I loved that class and so did my single sister. I was asked by the leader to take over leading the class. After reading of Moses questioning his abilities and spending some time talking to God I agreed. Things were going well and I have to say the self esteem class was of real value. (I recommend that to all) we began to have trouble getting anyone to unlock our door for us, women were arriving and either waiting or going else where, then we were moved to a different class room, and moved , and moved, and so on. Each time we lost more and more ladies. I had to ask someone to take the class when I had Miss Littles, while gone they decided to let the class go. It broke my heart to see such a needed ministry go away.

I took a back seat to leading and relaxed for a while then joined MOPS where I began to volunteer, the problem was that the leader was in it for all the glory of herself not God. I stepped down because I felt that God wanted me elsewhere. I then joined our technology outreach and loved it. We face brick walls from time to time but still the support from our little family is priceless. My husband is now the phys ops leader and involved in the same outreach, plus helps with Angel Food.

God also spoke to him in that time so I no longer need that little class but I think that it’s still a need.

Right now I'm encouraged! I'm a small group leader with the Baptist Student Ministries on campus at UTA. We haven't officially started yet (that'll be on tuesday) but this morning we helped move freshmen into their dorms and we're going to have a ice cream and movie night tonight and we'll have the leaders retreat this weekend before classes start.

I'm completely psyched!

De - being a young single, I would totally be at every meeting with you and jill. and I would love it because I like smaller groups like that so you can make REAL relationships. so although big groups might be more fun, smaller groups are more useful. sometimes.

Discouraged. Mostly because I feel useless.

I too am a volunteer, just doing what I can, what I've been gifted with. Leading worship for high school students is tough, as most of them are pretty caloused, and most who aren't often don't even understand the words they are singing.

I'm involved in a ministry that was once exploding, and doing great things. We aren't doing that anymore. More than likely, this new school year will be little different than last.

And then there is the ever-present feeling that I'm just filling a role. I think I do it alright, but I'm a far cry from those who did it before me. I'm constantly being reminded of how _____ did it, and feeling as though you aren't meeting the expectations of people who have been there longest, and not meeting the standard set by ______ really sucks sometimes.

So yeah, useless. A new minister is coming in, so that is reason for optomism. Trying to hold onto the Truth is hard sometimes, but it isn't impossible. It's just a matter of whether we remember or not.

Andrew,

I know I'm biased, but I think you're doing great! And anyone who thinks ________ could have done what you did when _______ was a Junior in high school has a short memory (by the way, to those who don't know, the ______ (I think) Andrew is talking about is a wonderful person and an awesome worship leader - but he had to develop into that).

You are not useless. And you can't blame yourself for the lower numbers. This is a natural thing that happens when a ministry is in transition. I personally have high hopes for the coming year, and for you.

Stay true to what you've been called to do and let God handle the rest - I'm proud of you (and praying for you lots, as always).

Andrew I'm praying for you. It's hard stepping into someone else’s shoes. You have to do things as God leads you. Some day someone will hear “Andrew did it this way” when you step down. You’re making a difference, keep holding on.

It should also be mentioned, as someone who saw Andrew and his band play this past weekend, that there has never been a better "first week" in the history of bands with the student ministry, as far as I know.

Excellent sound. Excellent heart. Most importantly, excellent worship leading.

I don't care who ______ is, they didn't have as good a first weekend as the two bands did Sunday. And I would say that a "far cry" is a far cry from the truth. You're there, dude. (this isn't to mean that there isn't room for growth - that room will always be there)

And, it should be mentioned - you are just filling a role. It is one that God designated for you. There will be someone filling it when you leave (as long as it is still needed), just as someone filled it before you arrived.

Funny thing is, you are in that role only because God wants you there. You fill that role perfectly. Your spiritual shape is uniquely formed so that you are the only one who can fill it. That mold may change when you leave one year from now (if you choose to leave one year from now), but until then - there is no one else that can do what you do.

So go do that voodoo that you do so well.
(And by "voodoo", I mean "lead worship")

I've actually been amazingly encouraged lately :). Mostly through other people. God has been blessing and humbling me and helping me see more what He is calling me to do. Everything this summer has been a confirmation of it. I've felt greatly encouraged and equipped. And very excited about our new student minister and the new year!!

Quaid:
Thanks for encouraging Andrew.
I too believe God's hand is on Andrew.

Andrew, dude. You're serving Christ. There is nothing useless about that.

De, you know I love you man, but you're missing the beauty of this. You have 4 or 5 young people that you can pour into, that you can teach and love and SHOW who Christ is. Don't worry about the numbers. God will take care of that. Just take care of the 4 or 5 sheep that He has given you. And, no you don't NEED that young lady who is leaving.

Oops, I hit the return key too quickly. (Does ThunderG sound like a rapper or what?)

De,

A few things:

1. Is your church growing? If it's not really growing, it's hard to expect that your particular slice of the church will be growing.

2. Is your group self-serving or does it actively seek to evangelize peers? The best way to grow is to lead others to Christ.

3. Why not meet in your home and forgo the whole YMCA thing? More personal.

4. Does your group eat together? I've found that small groups that eat together before their meetings have a much better relational dynamic, fulfilling a truly human need (one especially needful in young singles).

5. Is your group integrated into the rest of the life of the church, or is it designed to do its own thing? Groups that only exist for themselves universally have problems sustaining a raison d'être. In other words, a group that has an outward, missional focus has a more fulfilling reason to be than one that exists only to serve itself (see #2).

6. Do the attendees of the group understand the vision for the group? What is their vision for the group?

7. What are the shortcomings of the church as a whole? How can your group overcome those in itself and the larger church? (The woman who is searching for another church exemplifies this cry. If she's rejecting your church, you need to know why and fix that.)

Hope these questions help. I prayed for you and your wife just now that you'd be able to answer all these questions in a practical way that will better your group.

Blessings.

DLE, thanks so much for your prayers - that means a lot!

Those are some great questions - I've got the answers below:

1. Is your church growing?

Yes, it's growing

2. Is your group self-serving or does it actively seek to evangelize peers?

It's pretty insular.

3. Why not meet in your home and forgo the whole YMCA thing? More personal.

Well, we're a Sunday morning Bible study ministry at our church, and we need to be on or near the premises for guests. There are other small groups designed to meet in homes, but we need to be there so that visitors who show up have a place to go.

4. Does your group eat together?

Yes :-) we have breakfast snacks before class and usually we eat a meal together afterwards.

5. Is your group integrated into the rest of the life of the church

Not very well. In a way, being over in the Y makes the group feel like "red headed step children". But I definitely know we could do more as leaders to integrate them.

6. Do the attendees of the group understand the vision for the group?

Probably not, because I'm not sure what the vision is. The only real vision I have is to help them mature in Christ.

7. What are the shortcomings of the church as a whole?

Not having a dynamic singles ministry :-)

Actually, I don't know. I've never been in a church that someone wasn't wanting to leave. But, all kidding aside, that may be it. We really need full-time attention on the college and singles ministries. They have said they have that in the budget. Hopefully they'll hire someone.

Great questions DLE!

De . . . one quick word of (hopefully!) encouragement - my junior year of college I was involved in a small group with one of the campus ministries. We started out with 8-10 people and by the end of the year, there were 2 regulars (me and another gal). The leader was (understandably) discouraged . . . but I know, from my perspective, that the fact that the group was SO small meant that I had NO CHOICE (as long as I kept going) to get to know those 2 ladies - and that that process, along with the group being THAT small, meant that I was comfortable sharing & trusting them more than I had in a long time . . . and God really used that time in my life. So who knows what God is doing with your little group.

Personally . . . I'm currently discouraged. I'm not sure what God is doing in my life right now - and I'm not really sure how I'm meant to be serving, as a lot of the things I've helped out with previously I either know I'm not meant to be as involved in, or I'm not sure if or how I should continue to be. I guess I'm just at a big "i don't know" point in my life right now with a lot of things.

-JH

Well, I know that many people wouldn't understand this, but I have been encouraged and challenged many times simply through the posts on the Thinklings site - including yours De. Many people won't understand that "strangers" can really have an impact on what you believe, but that has been the case here. So, no matter what, don't give into discouragement because even just your random internet stuff is generating a blessing in MY life. :)

Having said that, I feel uncertain about how I feel (heh heh). This is time of HUGE transition in my life. For the past 20 months I have taught the gr.5/6 Sunday School at my church, and from Sep. to May I led a small group women's study as well. This fall I start back to school (mostly academic upgrading for the next year, science and math) with an eye towards Nursing. It is going to mean a big adjustment for my family. I'm already torn about that, since I've been a full-time mom and homemaker all my life (and their lives!) and to have my role change - I'm afraid that somehow I'll let them down at this crucial stage in life. If I put it off though, I'll be too old. Having the burden/responsibility of church involvement too, I'm afraid that may be too many balls to juggle at once. And, unfortunately, our SS ministry is already stretched to a breaking point in need of volunteers. I don't want to let them down. I'm really quite torn about all this. I don't have a real peace about doing this (going back to school), but I know that I have to do it now, or it will be too late.

I guess I don't know how to deal with everyone's expectations of me.

If any of you have dealt with similar issues, I'd really appreciate the advice (a Christian perspective is valuable). I'm afraid that my lack of time may really impact my children's spiritual development and I'd blame myself for it in the long run (fear).

I found this (if anyone ever happens to visit this topic again). It was written by Beth Moore.

My Dear Sister,(or brother)
The God of Glory
Has called you.
You have a ministry.
In Christ, you are enough for that ministry.
Never forget that showing God off is your ministry.
No matter what,
Keep your heart in your ministry.
Unveil your face
And serve others with authenticity.
Always remember
That the power is in God's Presence.
Let nothing
Come between you
And intimacy with God.
Keep moving forward
From glory to glory.
Let God thin that veil.
Remember, ministry is not about position.
It's about people.
Let name after name
Be written on your heart.
Do not seek great things for yourself,
Seek a great God.
As you leave this place,
Go in a fresh anointing.
He who turns water into wine
Turns wimps into warriors.
You have a ministry.
Go fulfill it.

Cara

Thanks for that, and for all the other encouraging things that you said.

Thanks to everyone for prayers, both for me and for other commenters in this thread.

And, for what it's worth, Sunday actually was a pretty good one in our Singles class :-)